L is for loving yourself through it

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Sometimes when negative things happen we think we deserve it. When I got the call yesterday that I have some mild precancerous cells in my body my first thought was..what did I do wrong..

I quickly corrected my thinking and tried to relax. It could be worse..could be moderate or severe as the Dr said.

The fact that I can take 6 months to boost my immune system to help it fight them is a blessing. To reduce stress is something I really need to do anyway…I mean who doesn’t, right?

I’ll be looking at me relaxed people and learning their secrets , gotta make this happen! What’s relaxing to you? A good thing to think about regardless of the circumstances I think!

All the love in the world to you and yours ~ moonlily

H is for holding it in

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So this quote has been on my mind the past few days and I realize how much I hold myself and my light in for fear of others opinions and judgement. Sometimes I favor ‘being liked’ over being authentic so it’s something I’ve struggled with over the course of my life.

That and also holding in how I really think and doing things for friends and spending energy I admittedly don’t have helping others while I am burnt out myself.

I took a step back in recent days and have been thinking to myself.. do the people I give my energy to really deserve it? Are they even asking me to make these sacrifices? Do they even understand how much I hold in, how much I do to even give myself to them and my friendships?

How can they if I hold it in? How can I really expect anyone to help me when they don’t know I’m hurting and tired and worn out?

How can someone fully appreciate what I’m giving them if they have no idea what sacrifices I’m going through to give? I feel like they “should know” because knowing my life circumstances it should be very obvious how many hours I (don’t) have in the day if they do simple math.

Then I think that’s awfully presumptuous of me and plus I don’t want to make someone feel bad and then pull back from me.

Therefore through all this I spend my time consoling friends I’m often times quite sure, when I think of it, will be just fine without me (not the same but still be ‘ok’) and I’m only shining a small flashlight randomly on one person, which is really holding my light in.

It needs to be shining farther than it is and not spent on people that the second I’m not available, they go onto the next person. I think many times the things I think are basic bylaws of communication seem to elude others.

So I suppose the best thing is to work on boundaries, I need to stop my obsession with responding to people the second they need me.

I think my son having colic as a baby trained me to “jump” when someone ‘cries’ and throw down my whole life when I should realize, it was just one ‘cry’ and they can and should be comforting themselves. I’d like to instead direct my energy elsewhere 🙂

My new blog http://annedresden.wordpress.com is the next chapter for me, this one is still here for spiritual but I want more out of life and this is the start of it, I’m excited. It’ll be up, nothing much there now and more ‘polished’ this weekend. I’m thinking to make pages for different things, who knows, maybe I’ll even figure out how the heck to properly work wordpress too.

Bright Blessings and hope your weekend is truly magickal! 🙂

T is for Truth – Are you a seeker?


What does it mean to be a seeker of truth, exactly?

I’ve heard some people use this phrase/terms to describe themselves and their path and it kind of makes me laugh a bit on the inside because in my eyes, isn’t everyone seeking the truth?

How do you define truth? Would you define it as tangible? By tangible, I mean, truth to some people (particularly atheists in my opinion) tend to think if you can’t see Gods and Goddesses, if they don’t descend from the heavens and provide you with tangible proof of their existence, then they don’t exist. However, I’ve described some of my experiences and they have not experienced such things, so is spirituality only ‘gifted’ to those that can tap into or experience such things.

Is truth, experience?

Just as I believe many pagans need tangible tools to touch (sensors and sensates, there I go with MBTI again) to get their minds to relax and be in another realm then I wonder if truth is the same.

My point is that do you need evidence to feel that the truth has been reached? Do you rely on your feelings to determine what the truth is for you? I suppose in this area I have many more questions than answers because I believe truth is a very personal thing.

What is true to me, I’ve learned, is definitely not truth to another. I may feel more connected to Aphrodite and love is my truth and others feel more connected to Pan and play and being ‘in the moment’ is truth to them. I find all of this very beautiful and no one’s path less valid than another, so long as it does not hurt anyone, of course 🙂

R is for Reincarnation

So , this is a concept that was actually difficult for me to subscribe to and understand back when I first was a seeker of Wicca. In my Wicca 101 class back sometime around 1997 I said to the class “But I’d forget myself if I’m reincarnated right? I don’t want to forget who I am now!”

They laughed and told me, that’s just my ego. I thought about that a lot over the years and they were absolutely right. Sometimes I still feel that terror feeling of “what will happen when I die?” then remember.. well .. do I have any control over it that I’m aware of? Nope.

I was thinking this morning also, to believe in soul mates and twin souls as I do, this almost requires that I believe in reincarnation also. How else can you “meet someone you’ve known before in another life” if you don’t believe in reincarnation?

Something to think about I suppose. That being said, I do not believe this is my first life at all. I’ve met many soul mates that I know I’ve been reincarnated with. Things in my life seem *so* on purpose that I’ve had little doubt of that the older I’ve gotten.

I believe that everything that happens is what is in line with what your soul needs to learn to move onto the next life. I suppose if you don’t take the lessons, you are doomed to repeat and repeat until you get it. Kind of like the movie Groundhog day, just with lives.

I can many times, almost feel my soul separate from my body but most times I get a bit nervous and ‘pop back in’. I find it’s easy to do that when I’m sick or feeling a bit woozy anyway. I always am curious when I meet new people if I’ve met them before in some form. I find that kind of musing very fun.

I didn’t provide what the basics of most pagan/wiccan beliefs on reincarnation because I feel you can just look them up. I think my struggle most with the concept was “losing myself” and realized that was/is just a basic human insecurity/ego struggle to overcome. 🙂

M is for Myers-Briggs-Using your personality type to deepen your spirituality

I did a presentation and discussion on this last night at the CUUPs (cuups.org) study group that I belong to on my two favorite subjects! Psychology and Spirituality! If you haven’t heard of Myers-Briggs 4 letter personality type test there is a *wonderful* introduction on their site (http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/)

First, please note : EVERYONE does EVERYTHING. This is simply about preference, what you first ‘go to’.

The idea I went with and feel that getting to know yourself will help you clear out all the mundane stuff and make more room for the divine. My philosophy is when you are free and clear of emotional and mundane garbage , you will then be able to connect more simply with deity. God and Goddess are love and to experience that love, you have to love who you are and part of that is knowing who you are (or at least having some idea!) and I think the test really helps! Here is the test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Here is how I relate each of the 4 letters to ritual:

E/I: Extrovert/Introvert: This requires special notice below because our society has it *wrong* culturally about what an Extrovert and Introvert mean. It doesn’t mean an extrovert is a people person or loud and in your face and it doesn’t mean that an Introvert is deep, introspective and shy. See below!

Extrovert actually meanspreferred focus of one’s energy on the outer world – you feel energy from your environment, people in that environment before feeling it from your inner world.

Introvert actually means preferred orientation of focus on the inner world – you feel energy from within and your inner world before feeling it from your environment, people, and outer world.

Within Ritual

E- If you are an Extrovert you may feel energized by going to public rituals and feeling that with others but your challenge may be to not be afraid to feel that power by yourself and tap into it.

I- If you are an Introvert it may feel good to have solitary and rituals with very small groups and your challenge may be to go to a public ritual and allow yourself to feel the connections in your surroundings.

S/N: – Sensor or Sensate or IntuitiveThe second pair of psychological preferences is Sensing and Intuition. Do you pay more attention to information that comes in through your five senses (Sensing), or do you pay more attention to the patterns and possibilities that you see in the information you receive (Intuition)? Sensing (S)

Within Ritual

S-If you are a Sensor/Sensate then you’ll have great skill in things like psychometry (touching an object and knowing about it) and feel more connection with tools and scents. Incenses, smudging and everything to get you in the mood will really help. Sensors feel the tangible in the gods and goddesses, their presence here and now.

N-  If you are an Intuitive you’ll have great skill in things like seeing abstract visions, feelings, and emotions and a ‘knowing’ more like claircognizance and not necessarily feel that same connection when you touch an object but feel it’s power and energy or not feel much of a connection to tools at all. Intuitive’s can sense the energy in a room and the health of a room or person, they know if someone is having fun, or doesn’t like to be there. Intuitive’s can say subtle things to help gear their mindset to a better place. We feel the ‘minds’ of people.

T/F: Thinker or Feeler T/F – When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency (Thinker) or first look at the people and special circumstances (Feeler)?

Within Ritual

If you are a Thinker, then you’ll have great skill at researching old ways and have beautiful historically accurate rituals. I’ve tended to notice most Druids are “Thinkers” and scholarly types and enjoy and connect with the art and science of what they feel spiritually. Harder to let go but easier to logically process what is going on, for you.

If you are a Feeler, well.. you’ll just feel it and have great skill at allowing yourself to go with the feeling at the time of ritual or any connections, easier to let go but harder to stop and logically process what you are feeling.

J/P:- Judging or Perceiving  In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided (J) or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options? (P)

Within ritual

J/P – If you are a Judger, this doesn’t mean you are judgmental so much as more of a ‘planner’. You’ll have great skill at planning beautiful rituals and the beauty with synchronizing items in a ritual for your desired outcome.

If you are a Perceiver, this means you’ll have great skill in going with the flow and minimal planning, which makes it a beautiful ‘in the moment’ experience.